Release, Relief, Relive.

My mind takes over. My body just follows. I have a thought and it becomes an action. Lightning. I'm there. It hurts. emotion overwhelms my body. I feel sick. Breathing becomes difficult. I break. Deep. Breathe pause breathe. Composure. Release my emotion that can't be held back. Pain joy and fear. Release, Relief, Relive. 

In your house, I long to be..

Take hold of me and go,
leave this place behind,
the pain, judgement and conformity.
bring a fresh start, new release.
I want your imperfections,
your flaws and beauty.
Become part of me.
Open your arms,
take me in.
We'll go away for good.
Find the passion and bliss,
learn every line.
Just take hold of me and go.
I'm nervous and scared,
ready and willing to learn.
Don't be like the others.
Be unique, your own person.
I'm ready to become,
just take hold of me and go.

my momma went off and left him, she wanted more from life than he could give.

Leave.
you're free.
but guilt will build.
Regret is felt.
no going back
mistakes are made.
forgive and forget
but its past due for that.
live up to your error
take charge. open your heart.
speak your mind.
who you are is known,
who you will be is perceived.
nothing more is needed
but you. only you.
be there. be around.
time is moving quickly.
tomorrow is not known.

Sometimes I feel like my peers are so much younger than me. I find so many people my age have no goals or aspirations. No dreams they want to fufill. How do they focus their lives around a drug that will take them no where, give them nothing? I just can't comprehend it. Maybe I'm a prude because I don't want to party, smoke and drink all the time. But hey, I am going to make my dreams a reality and do more with my life. Yes, I work all the time and I enjoy resting when I get home. No, I should never feel bad about that but the way people around me live makes me question how I am. I wish it didn't. I don't live they way they do but I do wonder if it makes me a stuck up bitch sometimes because when everyone else is being loud and partying, I am asking for some quiet to sleep. Blah. Anywho, what a crazy time of year. Work is so busy, both jobs. Customers are become more and more irritable and rude. Acting like an ass usually doesn't get you very far but I guess not everyone knows that yet. Besides the customers I still love both my jobs. I knew something would come around eventually. I can't believe it is 11 days until Christmas. Time has flown by. I am excited about a Drum&Dance camp I registered for that takes place in May. I am on a wait list but hopefully people cancel and I get to go. It will be a week of learning to play the djembe wish I am insanely excited about. I am ready to learn the djembe. The class I took in Asheville was such a tease it left me wanting more. Hopefully I can buy myself one soon so I can mess around until I learn for reals. This was such a random post. Haha here is a video I leave you with :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cINms_jWiU

I seem to enjoy covers of songs better than the original.

I say we're superstars, you say you think we are the best thing.

I am going to sell my pictures.
I will share my work with people
who will appreciate and share it
with others. I am going to begin
to take pictures on a regular basis.
I am going to work and save money.
I will live more frugally. I am going to
eat out less and cook more. I will
reach my goal to travel and live with
other people to experience their
lifestyle on an emotional level.  I
will make everything I dream and
wish come true. I will do this.

One day

This song is amazing just with Matisyahu singing it but when the children join I feel it gives it a little more meaning, a little more love. "we dont want to fight no more, there'll be no more war, and the children can play"

make me feel it's for real....tell me what you know

Everyone says "everything happens for a reason" and I believe this, I really do. I know sometimes the reason isn't apparent at the moment it happens but looking back on things I know there is a reason for everything. I think ;) I am having a hard time right now finding a job. I have applied to numerous places and have yet to have anything promising. I rethink that I quit the Melting Pot sometimes but then I just think of how unhappy I would be and how it was NOT what I wanted. Money is such a freaking issue and it frustrates me. My family has been helping me enormously and to them, I am forever grateful. I know everything is going to fall into place soon but the wait is keeping me on my toes quite a bit. I am so lucky to have a family that supports me and all my crazy, spur of the moment, mindless decisions. I know if I wanted to pick up now and travel the US they would support me, with unlimited amounts of worry, but if it's what I wanted I know they would support me. Not a whole lot of people can say that and I truly know how lucky I am and how special my family is. I can't believe I have only been in Raleigh for....4months?.....and I already want to go see somewhere new and different. I really think I am meant to travel. I wish I could just pack up some clothes, my journal, soap, and my books and get in my car and drive. I wouldn't mind sleeping in my car...although I'm sure lots of people have some words to preach on that. hehe. I wonder if there is some kind of traveling job I could take with me....hmmmmmm.....