Don't regret anything you do. In the end it makes you who you are.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the people we surround ourselves with. It truly helps to shape the person we become. It's not a minuscule detail in our lives. It's huge. I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without the people I have had in my life, good and bad.

The past few weeks I have had a lot of shit going on with my own family. I realize we've all been through many tough situations but, for the most part, we've made it through. My family isn't perfect, in fact we are far from it. Things haven't always been ideal in my life but without everything I've been through I wouldn't be....me. These past few weeks have been hard, especially since I am preparing for a trip across the country, by myself, for an unknown amount of time. My mom and sister have played an incredible role in helping form the woman I am today. Without them, who knows where I would be. My moms parents have also had an enormous part in my life, helping guide me towards the "right" paths. As many young people today can probably relate to, my dad hasn't always been around. That's not to say he hasn't impacted my life. He has. In bigger ways than he (or his family) probably knows. I haven't been nearly as close with them, and things lately have been....tough. But seeing how people in my own family can act sometimes well, it astounds me. And that's where this entire post started.

Everyone has to remember we all have our own history, shit we've been through that's greatly impacted our lives. We can't just look at one situation and think we have it all figured out. It's never so simple. I think it's also important to remember to pick wisely when you choose the people you keep closest in your life. It will have a greater impact than you may know. I've never been one to have friends just to have friends. And I never will be that kind of person. I want/need genuine people in my life. Honest. Caring. Loving people. I don't want to be surrounded by spiteful/hateful/close minded people. That only brings me down.

Surround yourself with people who make you laugh. People who truly care about your well being. people who want to see you succeed. People who would do anything for you and in turn you would do the same for them. Never. Ever. Settle for less than you deserve.

settle down, it'll all be clear....

My mind has been wandering in all directions lately. I leave for California in 8 days, I have no idea how long I will be there, or what I will even do when I get there. I am lucky enough to have friends to let me stay with them. It's a little overwhelming right now to know I will be leaving my entire family and my closest friends. I think the unknown (how long I will be gone, or if I'll find a new job, or how easy/hard it will be to make new friends) makes me nervous. I know everyone thinks I am just ready to leave, which I am very excited, but I am also nervous. It's hard to do. My road trip seems so long ago now. I've grown even closer to my family in the past year and that makes it just a bit tougher to leave. I have been feeling guilty for leaving my family and friends. Some who have no way out right now. One of my best friends has even kind of stopped talking to me, which makes me so sad. I realize sometimes it's easier for people to deal with that way but it's also harder for me. I can't feel guilty though. This is good for me and what I want/need right now in life.

Staying in New Bern isn't really an option for me though. I can't do it. I always feel stuck when I come back here. My mom even says she thinks I get depressed being back here. I have to remember this is going to be a wonderful experience for me. There are so many more opportunities for me in Cali. I loved California when I was on my road trip. San Clemente, San Francisco, San Diego, Yosemite, Arcata, the Redwoods, they were all such amazing places. Now I can see even more of the places. I don't feel like I truly explored enough when I visited before. Hopefully I will find friends who can take me on adventures. I'll get to be with Kim and the girls daily. Maybe I will find some insanely perfect job that makes me incredibly happy.....right?! Since we're dreaming...maybe I'll find some amazing guy to sweep me off my feet as well....you never know.... ;)

song for the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoRkntoHkIE