The Constant in Life is Change

I've had millions of thoughts running through my mind constantly lately. It's been incredibly hard to quiet my mind enough to even do my yoga practice. The other night I went out with my best friend so we could have some time together before I go back home for 10 days. We had drinks on a beautiful roof top bar with her boyfriends mom and aunt then had a little time to ourselves to talk. As I mentioned my mind has been a bit of a mess so it was really good to talk to her. After we left the rooftop bar we went back to the mom and aunt's condo they were staying in because they wanted to cook us dinner. The place was beautiful. Right on the water. We went out on to the balcony to see the view and I almost started crying. I stood out there for a few minutes taking it all in. Thinking. Remembering. Thinking.

The view from the rooftop bar

I have been in California for 6 months now and I have enjoyed it so very much. I have wonderful family friends who have taken me in as their own, no questions asked. I have met some incredible friends who I feel so lucky to now have in my life. I met an amazing guy who has had such a life changing impact on my life. I started a yoga teaching course which is just the beginning of another journey in my beautiful life. I feel so fortunate.

Sometimes things don't always work out how we want them to. But then when we take a step back and remember the bigger picture, we realize things work out as they should. My heart has been heavy the last few days. I have been contemplating (pretty seriously) about coming home when I am done with my yoga course. I know most people will read this and think, WHAT?! Why would she want to come back to North Carolina? She is in California, what would make her want to be back there? And what I have to say to these people is this; My family is my entire world. They are my rock. My backbone. They keep me strong. They push me to do things I may have been too scared to do without them. They remind me of who I am and who I want to be. They encourage me to live my dreams and never look back. They love me unconditionally and support every single thing I do with my life. Without them there is no way I would be who I am today. They have helped make me the caring, selfless, passionate, free spirited, happy person I am today.

With all that being said, I can't stand to be so far away from them for so long anymore. I miss them every single day. I cringe at the thought of all the things I am missing out on with my nieces. I miss getting hugs from them every day. I miss laughing and talking and dancing and singing and sharing life with all of them. When someone is as lucky as me to have such an amazing family, I feel I need to be closer to them. So I want to be. I also miss my best friends greatly. I miss our nights out and our long talks and our fun times together. It's hard to find quality friends in life and I need them closer.

I also don't think it is financially feasible for me to stay in California much longer after my yoga course. I have been living with a family friend and I have been so lucky to have this free place to live. But, they have their own life and 2 children and if I were to stay longer I would need to branch out on my own. I would need to get my own place and a real job making good money (which is hard to find out here). It's also incredibly expensive to live in California. All my money has been going towards this yoga course so when it is over I will be, broke, broke broke flat broke. I won't have money saved. It doesn't seem like the best idea to stay out here much longer.

It makes me sad to think of leaving the people I have met. Think of leaving my best friend I made here and not having our fun nights out dancing by ourselves makes me sad (I love you maryann!!). I don't like knowing that things will end with the guy I met. But things work out. They always have and they always will. I have beautiful memories to carry with me in life. I have lessons learned. I have grown even more into the person I am trying to become. I will have a yoga certificate and be able to bring yoga to people back home. Which I believe yoga is very much needed in many places back home. I will get to be back with my family. My outlook on life has changed quite a bit and before I probably would have thought I was "failing" if I went back to NC. But now I feel there is no way I am failing with all the things I can do with my life. I can bring happiness and love to any place I live and that's all that matters to me. Family. Love. Friends. Happiness. That's all I need in life. Oh, and yoga, of course :)

Riding the Wave

It's been a while since my last post. I've had quite a bit going on and tons of stuff on my mind making it a bit difficult to gather my thoughts enough to sit down and write.

I began my 200 hr Yoga Teaching course on March 1 and so far it's be an absolutely amazing experience. It truly feels like exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now. I watch people (as well as myself at times) rush through life without taking time for themselves to slow down every once in a while. For me it doesn't seem like the best way to live your life. When we are constantly on the move to the next event that is going on then we never have time to actually enjoy the place we are in the current moment. We can't always be planning our next move. I know this is really hard for some people, including myself at times. Reading the books that have be assigned for the course has been so inspiring for me. I seem to read certain things at the perfect time, right when I need to be assured of something or just to adjust my train of thought about certain issues.

Many people don't realize yoga isn't just a class you go to every week to try to get in shape. Yoga is a lifestyle we choose to live. I had a friend ask me why I like yoga so much, "what's so great about it?". I thought for a moment before responding. To me yoga is about finding yourself. It's about realizing happiness is found on the inside. Yoga is about learning your body and how everything connects and works together. Yoga, to me, is about finding ways to remain content in life, no matter what comes your way. It's a way to choose to live a life of happiness and not allowing external things to affect you. It's about being the person you would want to have as your friend. Yoga is finding inner peace. Our bodies are our temples and we have to take care of them and nurture them and that is what yoga helps you do.

The past few weeks have been difficult for me because I have been trying to look too far ahead, trying to plan what I will be doing in the next few months. It has been ruining my contentment. It was making me anxious and sad. After reading more of my yoga books I realize I can't do this. I have to just "ride the wave" and let life guide me instead of me trying to guide life. Things will work out. They always do. I have to trust that no matter what, it has brought me to where I am today and I am happy with that :)

Yoga makes me happy. After every single practice I leave feeling amazing, lighter, happier. So, yes, yoga is going to be one of the main things I will talk about but it's only because it's such a beautiful thing that I want to share with everyone I love. <3 p="">