I hear so many people saying "Oh, she's got a perfect yoga body." And in my head I think, what does that even mean? Since when is there a specific type of body for yoga? It makes me so sad when people think they can't practice yoga because they are bigger than other people, or older than others, or less flexible than some. Everyone has a perfect body for yoga.
Yoga has become my biggest passion over the last year. I have finally found my calling and I feel it is my goal to spread the joy of yoga to everyone I meet.
To me, yoga isn't just something I teach. Yoga isn't just a set of poses I practice. Yoga isn't a workout you do just to get fit. Yoga isn't what you do to get the "perfect yoga body". Because, honestly what is that body ? If it was meant to be that way, I wouldn't be teaching yoga because this girl has some curves and I love them.
To me, yoga is a lifestyle. You carry yoga with you on and off your mat. Yoga is something you live and breathe. It is a vision you share with everyone you meet. Besides the asanas and pranayama practice, yoga is about looking deeper within yourself. Learning who you are and becoming the person you want to be. It is about sharing love and joy with everyone. Yoga teaches you to let go of those things in life not serving you and to be okay allowing yourself to do so. It is about becoming a better person and helping others around you do the same. It is about loving without limits. Yoga helps you love the person you are...at this very moment. It teaches you to live in the present, because "it's the only place that life exists".
Yoga is a way of living your life. I wish I could share that with everyone. I wish everyone would stop thinking you have to look a certain way to practice. Or that your poses have to be "perfect", because we all have different bodies and we all can't achieve a pose that looks exactly like another persons. Sometimes our anatomy can prevent us from getting as deep in a pose as another person.
It's all about having the perfect practice for YOUR body and learning to let go of the thoughts of what someone else is doing or how you believe you are supposed to look in the pose. Close your eyes. Listen to your body. Feel the pose. When you leave your mat. Carry your breath with you. Carry the lightness with you. Carry the happiness with you. And share it. Share every last bit of it. With everyone you meet.
This is what I am trying my best to do.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
I will do things I've never done before, 'cause I'm powerful and I'm not afraid anymore...
I believe I have finally found that "thing". You know the thing you spend your life trying to find? Something that makes you happy doing day in and day out. The thing that doesn't make you drag your feet walking out the door to go do. The thing that makes you feel like you're doing something good with your life. Something that you feel so proud to tell people about.
Teaching yoga is making me such a happy person. I feel strong and positive and like I am making a positive impact on people around me. I've only taught 3 classes so far and after every class I feel so.....good. I love sharing something I love so much with other people. Knowing that people who have never tried yoga before are coming to my class makes me feel amazing. When the people return for the next class I am humbled. You know people can leave telling you it was a great class and that they really enjoyed it but the proof lies in if they return to your class or not. Nobody is obligated to me and it makes me happy to know that people are coming back and my class is slowly growing.
This is just the beginning. I am just getting started on this journey but already I feel so great about what I am doing. Knowing that (hopefully) for at least an hour I can help relieve someone of the stress and worry that may have built up over the course of their day or week is something special. I truly cannot wait to start teaching kids along with doing classes for adults. I feel like I have so much to offer and I can't wait to begin sharing it with more people.
Teaching yoga is making me such a happy person. I feel strong and positive and like I am making a positive impact on people around me. I've only taught 3 classes so far and after every class I feel so.....good. I love sharing something I love so much with other people. Knowing that people who have never tried yoga before are coming to my class makes me feel amazing. When the people return for the next class I am humbled. You know people can leave telling you it was a great class and that they really enjoyed it but the proof lies in if they return to your class or not. Nobody is obligated to me and it makes me happy to know that people are coming back and my class is slowly growing.
This is just the beginning. I am just getting started on this journey but already I feel so great about what I am doing. Knowing that (hopefully) for at least an hour I can help relieve someone of the stress and worry that may have built up over the course of their day or week is something special. I truly cannot wait to start teaching kids along with doing classes for adults. I feel like I have so much to offer and I can't wait to begin sharing it with more people.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
I am no Master, I know Nothing.
So I've spent most of my life being incredibly confused when it comes to religion. It was never something I made a huge part of my life, in fact it was something I often tried to distance myself from. There were just so many things I would read or have questions about and would be told to "just believe, you just have to trust". I guess for me that has always been difficult to do.
I've been doing so much thinking lately with my yoga course. It's opened my eyes in many different ways. It is changing my life on a daily basis. I've become less fearful of religion and more open to hearing what people believe and why they believe what they do. I have become closer with the earth (which probably sounds silly to some people) but it has made me realize this world we are living in is so incredibly magical. The people we share this world with are beautiful. We are fully provided for.
But, upon further thinking and meditation I have come to realize we (America) are such a greedy society. We take more than we need. We waste more than some will ever even have. We don't nurture that earth that provides for us, instead we continue to build and tear down the beautiful, natural habitat that's been created for us. We pollute our air, our ocean, our land. We seem to forget where we began. Living off the land. Growing our own food. Hunting to provide for our family, simply because it was needed to survive. Now we seem to expect meat at every meal, not even stopping to think where it came from or how it got to us. We waste unbelievable amounts of food on a daily basis yet we have people starving in all parts of the world. Our greed seems to be overpowering the need to sustain our earth. The earth that provides for us every single day. The earth that provides us a place to grow our own fruits/vegetables/herbs etc. The earth that allows animals to live and grow. The earth the supplies us with ample amounts of water.
We. Have. So. Much.
Yet we seem to appreciate so little. So much is taken for granted on a daily basis. This isn't me talking just about other people, I am as guilty as the next person. But what is different is that I am learning and I am trying to grow and make changes in attempt to make a difference.
Now, I've gotten a little off track but my whole point is that this world we live in is amazing. As are the people we share it with. Regardless of your religion or what background you have.....love seems to be the bottom line. Sometimes I used to say "If there is a God why would he let these terrible things happen?". But what I seem to have learned is that we make these things happen. We separate people. We create groups of people who are "more important" than others. We have weapons and wars. We create greed over money and materialistic things. We form organized religions that exclude certain people for something they may do differently that others. Instead we should be coming together as one united WORLD. We should all share love and laughter and light. We should grow our own food and raise our animals with love and compassion. We should appreciate that land that has been given to us and never take one square foot for granted. Our love has to be one love, for all creatures, all beings, all land, all of everything on this earth. Then, I believe, changes will begin to happen.
So, as I continue my journey I continue to make changes. I continue to become wiser every day. My eyes are opened a little bit wider with every sunrise. With every sunset I try to reflect what has been given to me and how I became so lucky. I want to stop taking things for granted and TRULY appreciate every little thing that I have. Every beautiful person in my life. The sunsets I see. The moon. The stars. The plants. The animals. Everything. I am so provided for. I am diving deeper into my spiritual practice and continuing to try and find my own path.
Sending all my love to all my friends reading this <3 p="">
I've been doing so much thinking lately with my yoga course. It's opened my eyes in many different ways. It is changing my life on a daily basis. I've become less fearful of religion and more open to hearing what people believe and why they believe what they do. I have become closer with the earth (which probably sounds silly to some people) but it has made me realize this world we are living in is so incredibly magical. The people we share this world with are beautiful. We are fully provided for.
But, upon further thinking and meditation I have come to realize we (America) are such a greedy society. We take more than we need. We waste more than some will ever even have. We don't nurture that earth that provides for us, instead we continue to build and tear down the beautiful, natural habitat that's been created for us. We pollute our air, our ocean, our land. We seem to forget where we began. Living off the land. Growing our own food. Hunting to provide for our family, simply because it was needed to survive. Now we seem to expect meat at every meal, not even stopping to think where it came from or how it got to us. We waste unbelievable amounts of food on a daily basis yet we have people starving in all parts of the world. Our greed seems to be overpowering the need to sustain our earth. The earth that provides for us every single day. The earth that provides us a place to grow our own fruits/vegetables/herbs etc. The earth that allows animals to live and grow. The earth the supplies us with ample amounts of water.
We. Have. So. Much.
Yet we seem to appreciate so little. So much is taken for granted on a daily basis. This isn't me talking just about other people, I am as guilty as the next person. But what is different is that I am learning and I am trying to grow and make changes in attempt to make a difference.
Now, I've gotten a little off track but my whole point is that this world we live in is amazing. As are the people we share it with. Regardless of your religion or what background you have.....love seems to be the bottom line. Sometimes I used to say "If there is a God why would he let these terrible things happen?". But what I seem to have learned is that we make these things happen. We separate people. We create groups of people who are "more important" than others. We have weapons and wars. We create greed over money and materialistic things. We form organized religions that exclude certain people for something they may do differently that others. Instead we should be coming together as one united WORLD. We should all share love and laughter and light. We should grow our own food and raise our animals with love and compassion. We should appreciate that land that has been given to us and never take one square foot for granted. Our love has to be one love, for all creatures, all beings, all land, all of everything on this earth. Then, I believe, changes will begin to happen.
So, as I continue my journey I continue to make changes. I continue to become wiser every day. My eyes are opened a little bit wider with every sunrise. With every sunset I try to reflect what has been given to me and how I became so lucky. I want to stop taking things for granted and TRULY appreciate every little thing that I have. Every beautiful person in my life. The sunsets I see. The moon. The stars. The plants. The animals. Everything. I am so provided for. I am diving deeper into my spiritual practice and continuing to try and find my own path.
Sending all my love to all my friends reading this <3 p="">
Monday, April 8, 2013
Sept 2012 Poem
Found this poem in my journal from last year. Thought I would share it.
Sometimes my world feels upside down
This path I am on hasn't turned the right way
I know what to do but not what to say.
I'm scared of these mistakes, scared of the end
my only problem is, where do I begin.
So many changes, all these thoughts running free
But the process, the work, seems impossible to me.
Our country's in pieces, our men are at war
when they return home, they don't know what's in store.
My heart breaks at the thought of the pain they will soon face
The sorrow, despair, those thoughts won't be replaced.
Our children are hungry. Our veterans are poor.
Yet one man has a mansion, gold makes up his door.
The governments twisted, we've lost the right sight
I often wonder, how those people can sleep at night.
I can't believe the lies, too many don't even take a second glance.
All of these people simply want another chance.
We need to remember we're together every day
United as one is how we all must try and stay.
Sometimes my world feels upside down
This path I am on hasn't turned the right way
I know what to do but not what to say.
I'm scared of these mistakes, scared of the end
my only problem is, where do I begin.
So many changes, all these thoughts running free
But the process, the work, seems impossible to me.
Our country's in pieces, our men are at war
when they return home, they don't know what's in store.
My heart breaks at the thought of the pain they will soon face
The sorrow, despair, those thoughts won't be replaced.
Our children are hungry. Our veterans are poor.
Yet one man has a mansion, gold makes up his door.
The governments twisted, we've lost the right sight
I often wonder, how those people can sleep at night.
I can't believe the lies, too many don't even take a second glance.
All of these people simply want another chance.
We need to remember we're together every day
United as one is how we all must try and stay.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Constant in Life is Change
I've had millions of thoughts running through my mind constantly lately. It's been incredibly hard to quiet my mind enough to even do my yoga practice. The other night I went out with my best friend so we could have some time together before I go back home for 10 days. We had drinks on a beautiful roof top bar with her boyfriends mom and aunt then had a little time to ourselves to talk. As I mentioned my mind has been a bit of a mess so it was really good to talk to her. After we left the rooftop bar we went back to the mom and aunt's condo they were staying in because they wanted to cook us dinner. The place was beautiful. Right on the water. We went out on to the balcony to see the view and I almost started crying. I stood out there for a few minutes taking it all in. Thinking. Remembering. Thinking.
I have been in California for 6 months now and I have enjoyed it so very much. I have wonderful family friends who have taken me in as their own, no questions asked. I have met some incredible friends who I feel so lucky to now have in my life. I met an amazing guy who has had such a life changing impact on my life. I started a yoga teaching course which is just the beginning of another journey in my beautiful life. I feel so fortunate.
Sometimes things don't always work out how we want them to. But then when we take a step back and remember the bigger picture, we realize things work out as they should. My heart has been heavy the last few days. I have been contemplating (pretty seriously) about coming home when I am done with my yoga course. I know most people will read this and think, WHAT?! Why would she want to come back to North Carolina? She is in California, what would make her want to be back there? And what I have to say to these people is this; My family is my entire world. They are my rock. My backbone. They keep me strong. They push me to do things I may have been too scared to do without them. They remind me of who I am and who I want to be. They encourage me to live my dreams and never look back. They love me unconditionally and support every single thing I do with my life. Without them there is no way I would be who I am today. They have helped make me the caring, selfless, passionate, free spirited, happy person I am today.
With all that being said, I can't stand to be so far away from them for so long anymore. I miss them every single day. I cringe at the thought of all the things I am missing out on with my nieces. I miss getting hugs from them every day. I miss laughing and talking and dancing and singing and sharing life with all of them. When someone is as lucky as me to have such an amazing family, I feel I need to be closer to them. So I want to be. I also miss my best friends greatly. I miss our nights out and our long talks and our fun times together. It's hard to find quality friends in life and I need them closer.
I also don't think it is financially feasible for me to stay in California much longer after my yoga course. I have been living with a family friend and I have been so lucky to have this free place to live. But, they have their own life and 2 children and if I were to stay longer I would need to branch out on my own. I would need to get my own place and a real job making good money (which is hard to find out here). It's also incredibly expensive to live in California. All my money has been going towards this yoga course so when it is over I will be, broke, broke broke flat broke. I won't have money saved. It doesn't seem like the best idea to stay out here much longer.
It makes me sad to think of leaving the people I have met. Think of leaving my best friend I made here and not having our fun nights out dancing by ourselves makes me sad (I love you maryann!!). I don't like knowing that things will end with the guy I met. But things work out. They always have and they always will. I have beautiful memories to carry with me in life. I have lessons learned. I have grown even more into the person I am trying to become. I will have a yoga certificate and be able to bring yoga to people back home. Which I believe yoga is very much needed in many places back home. I will get to be back with my family. My outlook on life has changed quite a bit and before I probably would have thought I was "failing" if I went back to NC. But now I feel there is no way I am failing with all the things I can do with my life. I can bring happiness and love to any place I live and that's all that matters to me. Family. Love. Friends. Happiness. That's all I need in life. Oh, and yoga, of course :)
 |
| The view from the rooftop bar |
I have been in California for 6 months now and I have enjoyed it so very much. I have wonderful family friends who have taken me in as their own, no questions asked. I have met some incredible friends who I feel so lucky to now have in my life. I met an amazing guy who has had such a life changing impact on my life. I started a yoga teaching course which is just the beginning of another journey in my beautiful life. I feel so fortunate.
Sometimes things don't always work out how we want them to. But then when we take a step back and remember the bigger picture, we realize things work out as they should. My heart has been heavy the last few days. I have been contemplating (pretty seriously) about coming home when I am done with my yoga course. I know most people will read this and think, WHAT?! Why would she want to come back to North Carolina? She is in California, what would make her want to be back there? And what I have to say to these people is this; My family is my entire world. They are my rock. My backbone. They keep me strong. They push me to do things I may have been too scared to do without them. They remind me of who I am and who I want to be. They encourage me to live my dreams and never look back. They love me unconditionally and support every single thing I do with my life. Without them there is no way I would be who I am today. They have helped make me the caring, selfless, passionate, free spirited, happy person I am today.
With all that being said, I can't stand to be so far away from them for so long anymore. I miss them every single day. I cringe at the thought of all the things I am missing out on with my nieces. I miss getting hugs from them every day. I miss laughing and talking and dancing and singing and sharing life with all of them. When someone is as lucky as me to have such an amazing family, I feel I need to be closer to them. So I want to be. I also miss my best friends greatly. I miss our nights out and our long talks and our fun times together. It's hard to find quality friends in life and I need them closer.
I also don't think it is financially feasible for me to stay in California much longer after my yoga course. I have been living with a family friend and I have been so lucky to have this free place to live. But, they have their own life and 2 children and if I were to stay longer I would need to branch out on my own. I would need to get my own place and a real job making good money (which is hard to find out here). It's also incredibly expensive to live in California. All my money has been going towards this yoga course so when it is over I will be, broke, broke broke flat broke. I won't have money saved. It doesn't seem like the best idea to stay out here much longer.
It makes me sad to think of leaving the people I have met. Think of leaving my best friend I made here and not having our fun nights out dancing by ourselves makes me sad (I love you maryann!!). I don't like knowing that things will end with the guy I met. But things work out. They always have and they always will. I have beautiful memories to carry with me in life. I have lessons learned. I have grown even more into the person I am trying to become. I will have a yoga certificate and be able to bring yoga to people back home. Which I believe yoga is very much needed in many places back home. I will get to be back with my family. My outlook on life has changed quite a bit and before I probably would have thought I was "failing" if I went back to NC. But now I feel there is no way I am failing with all the things I can do with my life. I can bring happiness and love to any place I live and that's all that matters to me. Family. Love. Friends. Happiness. That's all I need in life. Oh, and yoga, of course :)
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Riding the Wave
It's been a while since my last post. I've had quite a bit going on and tons of stuff on my mind making it a bit difficult to gather my thoughts enough to sit down and write.
I began my 200 hr Yoga Teaching course on March 1 and so far it's be an absolutely amazing experience. It truly feels like exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now. I watch people (as well as myself at times) rush through life without taking time for themselves to slow down every once in a while. For me it doesn't seem like the best way to live your life. When we are constantly on the move to the next event that is going on then we never have time to actually enjoy the place we are in the current moment. We can't always be planning our next move. I know this is really hard for some people, including myself at times. Reading the books that have be assigned for the course has been so inspiring for me. I seem to read certain things at the perfect time, right when I need to be assured of something or just to adjust my train of thought about certain issues.
Many people don't realize yoga isn't just a class you go to every week to try to get in shape. Yoga is a lifestyle we choose to live. I had a friend ask me why I like yoga so much, "what's so great about it?". I thought for a moment before responding. To me yoga is about finding yourself. It's about realizing happiness is found on the inside. Yoga is about learning your body and how everything connects and works together. Yoga, to me, is about finding ways to remain content in life, no matter what comes your way. It's a way to choose to live a life of happiness and not allowing external things to affect you. It's about being the person you would want to have as your friend. Yoga is finding inner peace. Our bodies are our temples and we have to take care of them and nurture them and that is what yoga helps you do.
The past few weeks have been difficult for me because I have been trying to look too far ahead, trying to plan what I will be doing in the next few months. It has been ruining my contentment. It was making me anxious and sad. After reading more of my yoga books I realize I can't do this. I have to just "ride the wave" and let life guide me instead of me trying to guide life. Things will work out. They always do. I have to trust that no matter what, it has brought me to where I am today and I am happy with that :)
Yoga makes me happy. After every single practice I leave feeling amazing, lighter, happier. So, yes, yoga is going to be one of the main things I will talk about but it's only because it's such a beautiful thing that I want to share with everyone I love. <3 p="">
I began my 200 hr Yoga Teaching course on March 1 and so far it's be an absolutely amazing experience. It truly feels like exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now. I watch people (as well as myself at times) rush through life without taking time for themselves to slow down every once in a while. For me it doesn't seem like the best way to live your life. When we are constantly on the move to the next event that is going on then we never have time to actually enjoy the place we are in the current moment. We can't always be planning our next move. I know this is really hard for some people, including myself at times. Reading the books that have be assigned for the course has been so inspiring for me. I seem to read certain things at the perfect time, right when I need to be assured of something or just to adjust my train of thought about certain issues.
Many people don't realize yoga isn't just a class you go to every week to try to get in shape. Yoga is a lifestyle we choose to live. I had a friend ask me why I like yoga so much, "what's so great about it?". I thought for a moment before responding. To me yoga is about finding yourself. It's about realizing happiness is found on the inside. Yoga is about learning your body and how everything connects and works together. Yoga, to me, is about finding ways to remain content in life, no matter what comes your way. It's a way to choose to live a life of happiness and not allowing external things to affect you. It's about being the person you would want to have as your friend. Yoga is finding inner peace. Our bodies are our temples and we have to take care of them and nurture them and that is what yoga helps you do.
The past few weeks have been difficult for me because I have been trying to look too far ahead, trying to plan what I will be doing in the next few months. It has been ruining my contentment. It was making me anxious and sad. After reading more of my yoga books I realize I can't do this. I have to just "ride the wave" and let life guide me instead of me trying to guide life. Things will work out. They always do. I have to trust that no matter what, it has brought me to where I am today and I am happy with that :)
Yoga makes me happy. After every single practice I leave feeling amazing, lighter, happier. So, yes, yoga is going to be one of the main things I will talk about but it's only because it's such a beautiful thing that I want to share with everyone I love. <3 p="">
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Keeping Happiness.
The past 3 or 4 years I have dedicated to trying to find peace within and live a happy life. Finding happiness in life isn't always easy and I believe it is something you have to work to achieve. I've found the need to be aware of the people I share my life with, the environment I live in and the the type of work I choose to do.
I read something the other day that said "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely."
It can make you think. Who do you spend the most time with? Are those people you want to be like? Do you have a way to spend less time with them if they aren't?
Anyways, the purpose of this blog is to say things don't always turn out how we may hope for them to. For me though, happiness has to be my main goal in life. I've worked so hard (and continue working every day) to become the person I want to be. I've taken some people out of my life and pulled some in closer. I've quit jobs I didn't feel were meant for me. I've moved from terrible living situations. I spent 4 months on the road trying to figure out who I am and I think I made a lot of progress.
So, the job I started last week with the Grassroots Campaign, working for Save the Children....it was awful. It was nothing like I expected it to be and at the end of my first day I felt drained and let down. I didn't want to tell me friends or family because everyone was so excited for me. I did talk to me friend here though. I told him how I felt about the job and how I wished it was what I expected. He said maybe it would get better. I agreed and went in for my second day. It was no better. The office felt kind of like a joke. People seem to do whatever they want and work whenever they want (which could be nice but when they can't allow me to work certain days because of this...it isn't good). The job was draining. I would be spending 5 hours everyday standing outside a store trying to get donations for Save the Children. People ignore you. People say no. People laugh in your face. Rarely do people actually stop to hear your "rap" or donate money. When people did donate I actually felt guilty taking their money. This job wasn't for me. When I called to tell them it wasn't working out/wasn't what I expected they said they understood and it takes getting used to.
Well, I don't want to get used to that. I don't want to dread going to work everyday just to make a paycheck. So, I'm not going to. It was a hard decision to make because I really do need to start having some money come in but I feel it was necessary. So now I start back at the drawing board. I spent all day yesterday going around collecting applications. Went today and had an interview at a smoothie place. Hopefully I will get that after my second interview this Thursday.
Another big thing I did this morning was go talk to a lady about becoming a yoga instructor. Yoga has been a part of my life for about 5 years now. Since coming to California I have been trying to do some yoga every night before going to bed. I share yoga with my friends and family. I have the children I'm around practice with me. It's something I truly enjoy. So I feel becoming an instructor would be a great opportunity for me. The only problem is the 200 hour course is pretty expensive. But, hopefully would be worth it.
So now I decide if I want to spend the money (if I can even find a way to pay the money) and become a yoga instructor (while also working a job here in San Clemente). Or if I just want to work and save all the money I am making to move on to something new. Decisions. Decisions. Any helpful thoughts?
namaste my friends :)
I read something the other day that said "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely."
It can make you think. Who do you spend the most time with? Are those people you want to be like? Do you have a way to spend less time with them if they aren't?
Anyways, the purpose of this blog is to say things don't always turn out how we may hope for them to. For me though, happiness has to be my main goal in life. I've worked so hard (and continue working every day) to become the person I want to be. I've taken some people out of my life and pulled some in closer. I've quit jobs I didn't feel were meant for me. I've moved from terrible living situations. I spent 4 months on the road trying to figure out who I am and I think I made a lot of progress.
So, the job I started last week with the Grassroots Campaign, working for Save the Children....it was awful. It was nothing like I expected it to be and at the end of my first day I felt drained and let down. I didn't want to tell me friends or family because everyone was so excited for me. I did talk to me friend here though. I told him how I felt about the job and how I wished it was what I expected. He said maybe it would get better. I agreed and went in for my second day. It was no better. The office felt kind of like a joke. People seem to do whatever they want and work whenever they want (which could be nice but when they can't allow me to work certain days because of this...it isn't good). The job was draining. I would be spending 5 hours everyday standing outside a store trying to get donations for Save the Children. People ignore you. People say no. People laugh in your face. Rarely do people actually stop to hear your "rap" or donate money. When people did donate I actually felt guilty taking their money. This job wasn't for me. When I called to tell them it wasn't working out/wasn't what I expected they said they understood and it takes getting used to.
Well, I don't want to get used to that. I don't want to dread going to work everyday just to make a paycheck. So, I'm not going to. It was a hard decision to make because I really do need to start having some money come in but I feel it was necessary. So now I start back at the drawing board. I spent all day yesterday going around collecting applications. Went today and had an interview at a smoothie place. Hopefully I will get that after my second interview this Thursday.
Another big thing I did this morning was go talk to a lady about becoming a yoga instructor. Yoga has been a part of my life for about 5 years now. Since coming to California I have been trying to do some yoga every night before going to bed. I share yoga with my friends and family. I have the children I'm around practice with me. It's something I truly enjoy. So I feel becoming an instructor would be a great opportunity for me. The only problem is the 200 hour course is pretty expensive. But, hopefully would be worth it.
So now I decide if I want to spend the money (if I can even find a way to pay the money) and become a yoga instructor (while also working a job here in San Clemente). Or if I just want to work and save all the money I am making to move on to something new. Decisions. Decisions. Any helpful thoughts?
namaste my friends :)
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Cloud 9
For the past few years I have spent most of my time focusing on myself. Trying to discover who I am and what I want to do in my life. The goals I have. What will make me happy. It's not something that was easily achieved, hell, I am still learning about who I am daily. What I can say I have realized about myself is that I have one main goal in my life.
To make a difference.
Whether it is one persons life or thousands of people. I want people to look back and remember me being someone that made a positive impact in their life. Someone they won't forget. There are billions of people in the world and some days I just think, "How can little ol' me make a difference?". But I can.
I've been in California for over 4 months now (wow) and over the past month and a half I started applying for jobs. Now, when I was back home trying to find work before I decided to come out here I had no problem getting a job. Let me just say I got a little slap in the face from California. I started applying to restaurants because I figured it would be the quickest/most way to start saving money again. I have 5 years experience in the restaurant business. I have worked other customer service jobs. I was a nanny for a year. I mean this isn't huge experience but I think it's pretty good to be trying to work in a restaurant. So I start applying, thinking, "this is going to be a piece of cake, I'll be working in no time". But, no, that's not how it went at all. Nothing was working out. I started thinking, fuck, I'm going to have to move back to NC and I will sink into a slow, dark, depression feeling like I am going no where in my life. (dramatic? maybe. but true)
If I am going to be completely honest though......I wasn't REALLY trying. I had no passion to actually work at any of the places I applied. Sure, some sounded like a cool place I'd like to eat at sometime but in all actuality, I didn't want to be a waitress. I didn't make the effort I should have to get the job. Which was stupid. But after traveling and discovering myself more I made a promise to myself that I would never work a job I hated just to make money. I didn't even have a job and I hated the idea of the jobs I was applying for.
So this Wednesday morning I woke up, did my workout routine, ate breakfast, then started scanning Craigslist for jobs in Orange County. I always start on Food/Bev/Hosp. then I go to all jobs. Well today I went to the non-profit section....just because. Well, I see a listing, "Work to End Child Poverty". My initial thought? Scam. But I click it anyways just to be sure. The listing leads me to the company website where I find...it's actually not a scam. Hmm. I go to apply. Yikes, all they ask for is your name, phone number, most recent school attended and a paragraph explaining why you want to work for them. Well shit. I want this job now but all I get to grab their attention is a sum of 300 words or less. I start to write. I type a few drafts. Edit. Re-edit. E-mail my mom. Re-edit. Show my friend. Re-edit. Show my friends mom. Re-edit. E-mail my sister. Re-edit. Okay. I think it's perfect. If they don't get that I want this job based on this paragraph....well...fuck.
So Thursday morning at 9:30 before beginning my morning workout I submit the application.
10:00 am. I am on the ground doing "heels to the heavens" and my phone starts ringing. It's them. We talk. He says he is happy that I seem so passionate. We set up an interview. 5pm. YES!
5pm. Interview time. I am super early (of course). I sit in my car for a bit and then go in for the interview. We're waiting on one other person (who never shows) so I fill out some papers while we wait. He starts the interview, basically just telling me about the organization and about Save the Children (the non-profit they are working to raise money/awareness for). He asks me a hypothetical questions. Says I answered perfectly. I'm feeling good but don't want to get too excited. We go over pay/work hours/expectation etc. He hires me on the spot. All I want to do is jump around the room dancing and shouting but instead I smile really big and say "AWESOME!" :)
If you know me personally you know how much I want to work and change lives. You know that I love children (even though I may not want my own) and I want to help people as much as I possibly can. Knowing that I now will be working to inform people of such a great non-profit and raising money to help kids all around the world is such an amazing feeling to me. I'm on cloud 9 right now.
Just to prove this....here is my "bucket list" I made in 2011 from my journal.....
#3- Raise money for a charity
#10- Help the children
Guess I'll be crossing those two off now......
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Finding Who I'm Not.
I've seen love shared with others.
Witnessed the outcast of some.
Felt the pain of another.
Shared happiness with many.
I've tried to fix the un-fixable .
Help those who don't want it.
I've failed numerous times.
Learned many lessons.
Forgot and learned again.
I've let hate win at times.
Let anger take over.
I've been ashamed.
Lied to escape the pain.
Been told I care too much. But,
Caring too much isn't possible.
Love knows no limits.
You don't overdose on love.
Love heals. Love cures.
I've grown and transformed.
Finding who I am but
Also who I'm not.
I've been on a never ending journey.
A lifelong dedication to myself.
I've been too scared to voice my feelings.
Yet brave enough to change my faults.
I've feared love.
And chased love.
Now I let love happen.
I've ached for too much.
So I gave some away.
I've feared being defeated
Then let it all go and jumped without worry.
I've never tried to be perfect, but,
I've always tried to be exceptional.
Witnessed the outcast of some.
Felt the pain of another.
Shared happiness with many.
I've tried to fix the un-fixable .
Help those who don't want it.
I've failed numerous times.
Learned many lessons.
Forgot and learned again.
I've let hate win at times.
Let anger take over.
I've been ashamed.
Lied to escape the pain.
Been told I care too much. But,
Caring too much isn't possible.
Love knows no limits.
You don't overdose on love.
Love heals. Love cures.
I've grown and transformed.
Finding who I am but
Also who I'm not.
I've been on a never ending journey.
A lifelong dedication to myself.
I've been too scared to voice my feelings.
Yet brave enough to change my faults.
I've feared love.
And chased love.
Now I let love happen.
I've ached for too much.
So I gave some away.
I've feared being defeated
Then let it all go and jumped without worry.
I've never tried to be perfect, but,
I've always tried to be exceptional.
music. magic.
my mind feels still.
it's such an unexpected feeling to experience.
the music seeps into my pours and my body is silenced.
the room goes black as my eyes fall shut.
I slowly receive it all.
the pain. the sadness. the bliss. the passion.
it is all just an indescribable, magical, experience.
something so perfect to be shared with another.
as much as I may want to explain....words simply fall short.
it's such an unexpected feeling to experience.
the music seeps into my pours and my body is silenced.
the room goes black as my eyes fall shut.
I slowly receive it all.
the pain. the sadness. the bliss. the passion.
it is all just an indescribable, magical, experience.
something so perfect to be shared with another.
as much as I may want to explain....words simply fall short.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Working on Me
The last few years I have been working on trying to become a better me.
I have been trying to push myself outside my comfort level and be less shy and try new things that may scare me. I have been trying to be more honest with my feelings instead of quietly being upset or being too afraid to tell someone how I truly feel. I have been trying to be more active with yoga and running. I have also been trying to not allow things from my past to affect my present because that never works out well for anyone.
I honestly think I have been doing really well and I have made quite a few changes. I mostly say this because the other night (the same night I hosted a couchsurfing event) I got to the restaurant/bar early and was talking to the guy that works there who I have met quite a few times. I was telling him I was a little bit nervous because I had never met any of the people...blah blah blah. And he says to me "You'll be fine, you're such a social person it should be easy." I was kind of shocked at first because I always think of myself as a quiet/shy person because it is who I have always been but then I was like YES! It made me excited that people who are just getting to know me would say that about me because it is something I have been working hard at trying to become.
I've also been doing yoga (almost) every day either when I wake up in the morning, before I go to sleep at night or both. It's been making me feel so much better/happier/free(er). Running around here is more difficult though because the hills are so intense but I am building myself up to be able to run without so much struggle. Since the beach is so close I have a new goal to go down and walk on the beach at least a few times a week (if not every day) because the beach is the place I go to clear my head and become refreshed.
I have been doing my absolute best to be a more open person and I think I am doing well. I'm not perfect and I never will be but I know I am more open with telling people my feelings. Especially the people I have met since coming to California. I honestly haven't been mad very much since being out here so that isn't a huge issue with telling anyone why I am upset. I am trying to let people know how I feel about them, how much I may appreciate them, how lucky I feel to have them around. I try to send my family/friends letters to remind them of how much they mean to me. I also try to tell my new friends how lucky I feel to have met them. Something that has always been difficult for me though is telling a guy how I truly feel and opening myself up to possibly be hurt. Since coming to Cali I have met a guy that I really enjoy spending time with and that constantly makes me smile. I feel really happy to have met him and I try to remind him of that whenever I can. I think that's a really big step for me (it may seem small to other people). I know I like hearing how someone feels about me so I want to open myself up and let others know how they make me feel. It's always nice to know that you make someone happier.
You only live once. I've thought a lot about that lately and I figure there is no reason to not take chances. If you don't take a risk and do something that scares you (whether it's an activity, talking to a new person or just telling someone how you truly feel about them) then you will never know what could have happened. I have come to realize I would rather risk the chance of "failure" than to look back and wonder "what if". Be open and tell people how you truly feel about them. Try new things. Take a class to learn something you've always wanted to learn. Look up events near you and go to one by yourself and see how many new friends you can make. Take chances.
Everyone knows how much I love music so here is one of my favorite songs right now:
"we are just stories so here's mine to tell, give my heart freely hope you keep it well"
I have been trying to push myself outside my comfort level and be less shy and try new things that may scare me. I have been trying to be more honest with my feelings instead of quietly being upset or being too afraid to tell someone how I truly feel. I have been trying to be more active with yoga and running. I have also been trying to not allow things from my past to affect my present because that never works out well for anyone.
I honestly think I have been doing really well and I have made quite a few changes. I mostly say this because the other night (the same night I hosted a couchsurfing event) I got to the restaurant/bar early and was talking to the guy that works there who I have met quite a few times. I was telling him I was a little bit nervous because I had never met any of the people...blah blah blah. And he says to me "You'll be fine, you're such a social person it should be easy." I was kind of shocked at first because I always think of myself as a quiet/shy person because it is who I have always been but then I was like YES! It made me excited that people who are just getting to know me would say that about me because it is something I have been working hard at trying to become.
I've also been doing yoga (almost) every day either when I wake up in the morning, before I go to sleep at night or both. It's been making me feel so much better/happier/free(er). Running around here is more difficult though because the hills are so intense but I am building myself up to be able to run without so much struggle. Since the beach is so close I have a new goal to go down and walk on the beach at least a few times a week (if not every day) because the beach is the place I go to clear my head and become refreshed.
I have been doing my absolute best to be a more open person and I think I am doing well. I'm not perfect and I never will be but I know I am more open with telling people my feelings. Especially the people I have met since coming to California. I honestly haven't been mad very much since being out here so that isn't a huge issue with telling anyone why I am upset. I am trying to let people know how I feel about them, how much I may appreciate them, how lucky I feel to have them around. I try to send my family/friends letters to remind them of how much they mean to me. I also try to tell my new friends how lucky I feel to have met them. Something that has always been difficult for me though is telling a guy how I truly feel and opening myself up to possibly be hurt. Since coming to Cali I have met a guy that I really enjoy spending time with and that constantly makes me smile. I feel really happy to have met him and I try to remind him of that whenever I can. I think that's a really big step for me (it may seem small to other people). I know I like hearing how someone feels about me so I want to open myself up and let others know how they make me feel. It's always nice to know that you make someone happier.
You only live once. I've thought a lot about that lately and I figure there is no reason to not take chances. If you don't take a risk and do something that scares you (whether it's an activity, talking to a new person or just telling someone how you truly feel about them) then you will never know what could have happened. I have come to realize I would rather risk the chance of "failure" than to look back and wonder "what if". Be open and tell people how you truly feel about them. Try new things. Take a class to learn something you've always wanted to learn. Look up events near you and go to one by yourself and see how many new friends you can make. Take chances.
Everyone knows how much I love music so here is one of my favorite songs right now:
"we are just stories so here's mine to tell, give my heart freely hope you keep it well"
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