The last few years I have been working on trying to become a better me.
I have been trying to push myself outside my comfort level and be less shy and try new things that may scare me. I have been trying to be more honest with my feelings instead of quietly being upset or being too afraid to tell someone how I truly feel. I have been trying to be more active with yoga and running. I have also been trying to not allow things from my past to affect my present because that never works out well for anyone.
I honestly think I have been doing really well and I have made quite a few changes. I mostly say this because the other night (the same night I hosted a couchsurfing event) I got to the restaurant/bar early and was talking to the guy that works there who I have met quite a few times. I was telling him I was a little bit nervous because I had never met any of the people...blah blah blah. And he says to me "You'll be fine, you're such a social person it should be easy." I was kind of shocked at first because I always think of myself as a quiet/shy person because it is who I have always been but then I was like YES! It made me excited that people who are just getting to know me would say that about me because it is something I have been working hard at trying to become.
I've also been doing yoga (almost) every day either when I wake up in the morning, before I go to sleep at night or both. It's been making me feel so much better/happier/free(er). Running around here is more difficult though because the hills are so intense but I am building myself up to be able to run without so much struggle. Since the beach is so close I have a new goal to go down and walk on the beach at least a few times a week (if not every day) because the beach is the place I go to clear my head and become refreshed.
I have been doing my absolute best to be a more open person and I think I am doing well. I'm not perfect and I never will be but I know I am more open with telling people my feelings. Especially the people I have met since coming to California. I honestly haven't been mad very much since being out here so that isn't a huge issue with telling anyone why I am upset. I am trying to let people know how I feel about them, how much I may appreciate them, how lucky I feel to have them around. I try to send my family/friends letters to remind them of how much they mean to me. I also try to tell my new friends how lucky I feel to have met them. Something that has always been difficult for me though is telling a guy how I truly feel and opening myself up to possibly be hurt. Since coming to Cali I have met a guy that I really enjoy spending time with and that constantly makes me smile. I feel really happy to have met him and I try to remind him of that whenever I can. I think that's a really big step for me (it may seem small to other people). I know I like hearing how someone feels about me so I want to open myself up and let others know how they make me feel. It's always nice to know that you make someone happier.
You only live once. I've thought a lot about that lately and I figure there is no reason to not take chances. If you don't take a risk and do something that scares you (whether it's an activity, talking to a new person or just telling someone how you truly feel about them) then you will never know what could have happened. I have come to realize I would rather risk the chance of "failure" than to look back and wonder "what if". Be open and tell people how you truly feel about them. Try new things. Take a class to learn something you've always wanted to learn. Look up events near you and go to one by yourself and see how many new friends you can make. Take chances.
Everyone knows how much I love music so here is one of my favorite songs right now:
"we are just stories so here's mine to tell, give my heart freely hope you keep it well"
