I'm a child at heart. I think I always will be.
I try to enjoy the little things in life. I've been told I'm naive but that was from a cynic so I don't think it counts ;) All the people I meet in life have a way of opening my eyes a little more and making me think harder about life and the way it goes. I think I am a laid back/open minded person. I try to always see the good in others and I like to give everyone a chance (or 2 or 3...) I became rather close to a pretty cynical person and I was dumbfounded by the way he thought about certain things. People. The world. Life. Sometimes we would talk and I would be left speechless, not able to understand how he could think that way. I've found many people are like this and I must admit it upsets me. After numerous conversations I realized I was changing how he thought about certain things, letting him see a different perspective, just as he showed me his.
I think there's a limit to how carefree and child like I can be because then it does just become naivety. It is hard at times, with all the terrible things that go on daily in the world. I do not believe it is bad to open yourself to people though. Hear their story, learn where they've been, how they became the way they are (good or bad). We don't know everything, we shouldn't judge so quickly or be so fast to shut someone out. I have a thing for love (haha) and I truly believe that everyone in the world just wants to love and be loved. We want to feel like we matter, that we can make a difference. It doesn't matter how cynical you are, you still want to be loved. So I think as every one of us goes through life we have to remember that. Everyone has their own story. Everyone has a past. Everyone wants to know they matter.
Give more. Love more. Care more.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I've been trying to do it right.
Does anyone ever look back at things that have happened in their life and wonder how you let them happen? Or how you got through them? Or even just why they happened? Why certain people come into your life, there is some purpose right?
I don't know. I mean I hear that everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wonder how could there be a reason? What is it? To make you stronger? To teach you a lesson? To make you realize you can get through anything?
Being on this trip, coming out to California, I have had so much thinking time. I often think about people that have been part of my life. Good and bad. I look back at situations and see how much I allowed certain "friends" to take advantage of my kindness. Ex boyfriends who never appreciated the person I am. After so many years, so many new faces, many different outlooks, I realize that I truly am a good person and any friend or boyfriend would be lucky to have me. Even some of my own family has taken advantage of my kindness but I can't let that change me. I know I have been rather jaded by the people who have screwed me over. But over the past 2 or 3 years I have grown immensely and discovered more of the person I am. I feel I finally look at people for who they are, not who I think they could end up being. I can't let my past affect my present. I care so much about people. I want to make everyone happy all the time. I know this isn't possible but I finally feel like my outer shell has been broken and I'm not as "tough" as I used to be. Which, to me, is good. I let people in easier. I don't feel so afraid of being hurt. It just is what it is. Hopefully people appreciate me and return the kindness to me, if not, oh well.
Having this fresh start, (a chance to make all new friends, possibly find someone to be with) is incredibly exciting to me. It's also a little overwhelming at times. It's not always easy to meet new people. Many people my age are so disconnected, it's hard to be let inside. Luckily I have couchsurfing. I am already meeting new people from there. I have a handful of people I am planning to hang out with in the next week or so. I'm happy about this. The community on the couchsurfing website is amazing. Everyone is open and welcoming. It's a nice change from feeling so stuck in my hometown. Feeling like I had nowhere to go. Now I feel like my opportunities are endless.
We'll see where it all takes me.
I don't know. I mean I hear that everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wonder how could there be a reason? What is it? To make you stronger? To teach you a lesson? To make you realize you can get through anything?
Being on this trip, coming out to California, I have had so much thinking time. I often think about people that have been part of my life. Good and bad. I look back at situations and see how much I allowed certain "friends" to take advantage of my kindness. Ex boyfriends who never appreciated the person I am. After so many years, so many new faces, many different outlooks, I realize that I truly am a good person and any friend or boyfriend would be lucky to have me. Even some of my own family has taken advantage of my kindness but I can't let that change me. I know I have been rather jaded by the people who have screwed me over. But over the past 2 or 3 years I have grown immensely and discovered more of the person I am. I feel I finally look at people for who they are, not who I think they could end up being. I can't let my past affect my present. I care so much about people. I want to make everyone happy all the time. I know this isn't possible but I finally feel like my outer shell has been broken and I'm not as "tough" as I used to be. Which, to me, is good. I let people in easier. I don't feel so afraid of being hurt. It just is what it is. Hopefully people appreciate me and return the kindness to me, if not, oh well.
Having this fresh start, (a chance to make all new friends, possibly find someone to be with) is incredibly exciting to me. It's also a little overwhelming at times. It's not always easy to meet new people. Many people my age are so disconnected, it's hard to be let inside. Luckily I have couchsurfing. I am already meeting new people from there. I have a handful of people I am planning to hang out with in the next week or so. I'm happy about this. The community on the couchsurfing website is amazing. Everyone is open and welcoming. It's a nice change from feeling so stuck in my hometown. Feeling like I had nowhere to go. Now I feel like my opportunities are endless.
We'll see where it all takes me.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
I made it!
I have arrived in Cali and boy is it good.
After spending almost a week on the road I am actually tired of driving. I usually love driving, it's something that's never bothered me. Heck, I spent 4 months on the road by myself last year and loved it. This time it all felt different to me and the road was a little more lonely and a lot less entertaining. I found myself stopping numerous times when I didn't really need to, just to get out of my car and see other people.
When I left Knoxville TN I was headed to Memphis where I met up with my first couchsurfing host of my trip. We met at a mexican restaurant (El Torro Loco) and had a good dinner. My host was Amy, she lived with her boyfriend Daniel. They were.....an interesting couple. After dinner we just headed back to their place and they did work on their computers while I messed around on mine.
My 3rd stop on the trip was Oklahoma City, OK. I stayed with a girl name Maegan and had a wonderful time. I met her at a place called Cafe Nova where they were having free beer happy hour. Essentially you buy a 5 dollar appetizer and then get free beer from 4-7. Pretty good deal. We hung out for 4 hours talking and drinking. I felt like she was a friend I had known for a while. One of those sad times where I wonder if I will ever see this person again. It was a great time though. We ordered dessert, she got a chocolate layer cake (which would normally be my choice) I ventured out of my box and tried the Cafe Latte gelato. It was amazing! We shared desserts and then headed to her apartment. We talked for a little longer but then headed to bed since she had to get up early for work and I was exhausted from driving.
I then headed to Albuquerque, NM where I met my 3rd couchsurfing host, Emily and her roommate Dustin. I arrived at their house and they invited me to dinner. We walked down to a restaurant and I got a delicious breakfast burrito, yum. We talked during dinner but when we got back to their place they both had work to do. When I was in Oklahoma City Maegan was telling me about a Balloon Fiesta she was going to later in the week that was in Albuquerque and said I should check it out. I talked to Emily and found out it was super close to her house so I decided to get up at 5am and go check it out. It was definitely worth it. Such a super cool experience. Hundreds of hot air balloons all flying at the same time.
My last stop before CA was Laughlin, NV. I stayed in a casino/resort which, if you know me, is pretty ironic haha. I am so tight with my money and I am always trying to save whenever possible. My plan was to just got down to the bar and have a drink, not play any games. Well, since they have the touch screen poker games on the bar...I gave in. I lost what I put in but atleast I didn't put a whole bunch in haha. Plus the free Jim Beam while I played kind of made it worth it :)
I left Laughlin around 10 am and headed to Los Angeles. I was planning to meet up with a new friend, new friends and new adventures in cities I haven't been to are always good. I met up with him at his house and we got in his car trying to figure out what to do. He took us down to the beach and we walked and talked for a while then decided to go have a drink at a bar he likes. The beer turned into a little bar hop adventure where we had one beer and then moved on to another cool dive bar. Lots of talking and laughing, great welcome into California. Yay for having one new friend in this big new place! Haha.
Now, I am at Kim's house with the girls. I am so thankful for her and what she is doing for me. I love her and the girls so much and feel so at home here with them. I will say Gracie and CR make me miss my girlies. Me and Gracie had a hula hoop competition yesterday when I arrived. Kim made an awesome hula hoop out of clothes hangers for CR since she didn't have one haha. She wasn't so into it. Today I got to hang out with the girls while Kim went grocery shopping and ran some errands. We made some cookies and played outside. I'm so happy to be here. I miss my family and friends so much but I know I am going to make new friends here and have amazing new adventures.
After spending almost a week on the road I am actually tired of driving. I usually love driving, it's something that's never bothered me. Heck, I spent 4 months on the road by myself last year and loved it. This time it all felt different to me and the road was a little more lonely and a lot less entertaining. I found myself stopping numerous times when I didn't really need to, just to get out of my car and see other people.
When I left Knoxville TN I was headed to Memphis where I met up with my first couchsurfing host of my trip. We met at a mexican restaurant (El Torro Loco) and had a good dinner. My host was Amy, she lived with her boyfriend Daniel. They were.....an interesting couple. After dinner we just headed back to their place and they did work on their computers while I messed around on mine.
My 3rd stop on the trip was Oklahoma City, OK. I stayed with a girl name Maegan and had a wonderful time. I met her at a place called Cafe Nova where they were having free beer happy hour. Essentially you buy a 5 dollar appetizer and then get free beer from 4-7. Pretty good deal. We hung out for 4 hours talking and drinking. I felt like she was a friend I had known for a while. One of those sad times where I wonder if I will ever see this person again. It was a great time though. We ordered dessert, she got a chocolate layer cake (which would normally be my choice) I ventured out of my box and tried the Cafe Latte gelato. It was amazing! We shared desserts and then headed to her apartment. We talked for a little longer but then headed to bed since she had to get up early for work and I was exhausted from driving.
I then headed to Albuquerque, NM where I met my 3rd couchsurfing host, Emily and her roommate Dustin. I arrived at their house and they invited me to dinner. We walked down to a restaurant and I got a delicious breakfast burrito, yum. We talked during dinner but when we got back to their place they both had work to do. When I was in Oklahoma City Maegan was telling me about a Balloon Fiesta she was going to later in the week that was in Albuquerque and said I should check it out. I talked to Emily and found out it was super close to her house so I decided to get up at 5am and go check it out. It was definitely worth it. Such a super cool experience. Hundreds of hot air balloons all flying at the same time.
My last stop before CA was Laughlin, NV. I stayed in a casino/resort which, if you know me, is pretty ironic haha. I am so tight with my money and I am always trying to save whenever possible. My plan was to just got down to the bar and have a drink, not play any games. Well, since they have the touch screen poker games on the bar...I gave in. I lost what I put in but atleast I didn't put a whole bunch in haha. Plus the free Jim Beam while I played kind of made it worth it :)
I left Laughlin around 10 am and headed to Los Angeles. I was planning to meet up with a new friend, new friends and new adventures in cities I haven't been to are always good. I met up with him at his house and we got in his car trying to figure out what to do. He took us down to the beach and we walked and talked for a while then decided to go have a drink at a bar he likes. The beer turned into a little bar hop adventure where we had one beer and then moved on to another cool dive bar. Lots of talking and laughing, great welcome into California. Yay for having one new friend in this big new place! Haha.
Now, I am at Kim's house with the girls. I am so thankful for her and what she is doing for me. I love her and the girls so much and feel so at home here with them. I will say Gracie and CR make me miss my girlies. Me and Gracie had a hula hoop competition yesterday when I arrived. Kim made an awesome hula hoop out of clothes hangers for CR since she didn't have one haha. She wasn't so into it. Today I got to hang out with the girls while Kim went grocery shopping and ran some errands. We made some cookies and played outside. I'm so happy to be here. I miss my family and friends so much but I know I am going to make new friends here and have amazing new adventures.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
On the road again....
As I pull off from the house I grew up in. The house with so many memories, so many good times, I can't help but start crying again. All I can see in my rear view is my mom and my niece running after my car waving and yelling "I love you!". So by myself, seconds from my house, I can turn around or I can keep going and chase my dreams. As soon as my tears begin to fall my GPS begins to talk and I start to laugh hysterically, while crying. My mom updated my GPS for me before my trip. Every time she uses hers she turns the volume up all the way and it scares be every time it talks, when I use mine, the volume is off. So I am making my first turn, wondering how I will make it to California by myself, (leaving my entire family on the other side of the country), and here comes the GPS, full blast, with my directions coming to me from a man speaking Spanish. Good one momma, you got me :)
Things were easier after that, I let the man speak Spanish until I stopped in Kinston for a drink and some gummy worms. After about 2 hours of driving I began to feel exhausted. My family came to see me off the night before, so we were up until 3:30 a.m talking and laughing. Waking up at 7:30am when my uncle came by to say goodbye, I felt excited. Now, driving down the interstate by myself I can't help but feel my eyes start to close. I stop in Greensboro to take a quick nap. My nap fails (I've always been bad at napping) so I decide to call my best friend, Emily, to wake me up. Before I can even let the phone finish ringing I start crying! So, I quickly hang up, thinking, "what's my problem?!". She calls back of course and I answer the phone, unable to speak, just randomly taking a loud, squeaky breath through my sobs. She calms be down. Reassures me that I am doing this for good reasons, I am going to get to Cali and be so happy. All I can say is how hard it is to leave my entire family behind, my best friend, how am I going to do it?! She tells me how strong I am. How it's a huge change and it's going to be hard but incredibly worth it. By the end of the convo I am laughing again, until we start to hang up and she says "Call me, for anything" I say alright Emily, don't make me cry again! What would I do without her? Probably still be in Greensboro crying by myself in my car while people walk by staring. Haha. I think this is all made a bit easier knowing I am going to be staying with such an amazing family friend and her two girls. I won't be all by myself anymore when I finally get to where I am going...
But here I am, in my Knoxville hotel. Getting ready to shower and see what Knoxville has to offer, before I head out to Memphis, where I will meet up with my first couchsurfing host of my trip. Here I come Cali, I hope you're ready!
Things were easier after that, I let the man speak Spanish until I stopped in Kinston for a drink and some gummy worms. After about 2 hours of driving I began to feel exhausted. My family came to see me off the night before, so we were up until 3:30 a.m talking and laughing. Waking up at 7:30am when my uncle came by to say goodbye, I felt excited. Now, driving down the interstate by myself I can't help but feel my eyes start to close. I stop in Greensboro to take a quick nap. My nap fails (I've always been bad at napping) so I decide to call my best friend, Emily, to wake me up. Before I can even let the phone finish ringing I start crying! So, I quickly hang up, thinking, "what's my problem?!". She calls back of course and I answer the phone, unable to speak, just randomly taking a loud, squeaky breath through my sobs. She calms be down. Reassures me that I am doing this for good reasons, I am going to get to Cali and be so happy. All I can say is how hard it is to leave my entire family behind, my best friend, how am I going to do it?! She tells me how strong I am. How it's a huge change and it's going to be hard but incredibly worth it. By the end of the convo I am laughing again, until we start to hang up and she says "Call me, for anything" I say alright Emily, don't make me cry again! What would I do without her? Probably still be in Greensboro crying by myself in my car while people walk by staring. Haha. I think this is all made a bit easier knowing I am going to be staying with such an amazing family friend and her two girls. I won't be all by myself anymore when I finally get to where I am going...
But here I am, in my Knoxville hotel. Getting ready to shower and see what Knoxville has to offer, before I head out to Memphis, where I will meet up with my first couchsurfing host of my trip. Here I come Cali, I hope you're ready!
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