be who you are.

i am moving.
moving in this world
to the beat of my heart.
while you,
you move to the others beat.
you move to make others see,
what you can't see,
because you are blinded.
you are blinded by the lies they cast,
the shadows they create,
the impossible pictures that they paint.
you, you are stuck
in this place where you can't create.
you are a soldier ant.
moving when they say,
doing what they do.
but why,
do this for you.
do this because you are you.
because you are here to be something more.
because someone loves you more than you know.
what you love is what you need.
they won't keep you happy.
it's all a game, a tiring, endless,
mindless, kindergarten game.
a game where you lose.
you empty the bottle and you lose.
you fill up those veins and you lose.
you lay by that toilet and you lose.
that razor blade falls to the floor and you lose.
they win.
they watch you suffer and they move on.
their prey is waiting while they load up the gun.
while you sit alone in your room.
you sit alone and you wonder what went wrong.
how did you end up here.
that butterfly flew by and you couldn't see.
the beauty didn't move you like before.
you're scared but don't you hold your breath.
breathe deep and move on.
you are strong and vibrant.
that rainbow in that painting can be you.
show them who are you.
be what you dream.
don't settle for the the failure.
rise up and give it one more go.
because you, you  are beautiful.
you are magnificent, like that first shooting star.
you are unique in so many ways.
so put down that bottle,
put down that needle,
put down the blade
put it down and look in the mirror.
see who you are.
because who you are is gorgeous.
so get up and go,
go move, move in this world,
move in this world to your own beat.

change gon' come

I am free,
I am vibrant,
I am flying,
Through this unknown world
Full of sirens.
The air is full, it's clouded, it's rude,
I break out to the top, a new mood.
Pure, refreshing, delightful.
My heart is heavy but not for long,
my shadow cast spells where I don't belong.
I feel a yearning, an aching, a call,
Do I answer and risk the chance to fall.
I continue to move so fluidly so
It's in my bones, my skin, my soul,
I feel it lift and take me on this journey of my own
Powerful, triumphantly, I do this alone
I realize that I am who I am, even when I'm not me
It's confusing and charming and daring
I withstand the test while always caring.
I share this feeling that I want the world to know
All the beautiful people who have a doubt in their mind
The judging and torment, too many so blind,
A second has passed and a change has been made

(whew, I feel like a new person after writing this. I love it.)  :)

This is how I feel. Exactly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDrB7KrbnMc

Release, Relief, Relive.

My mind takes over. My body just follows. I have a thought and it becomes an action. Lightning. I'm there. It hurts. emotion overwhelms my body. I feel sick. Breathing becomes difficult. I break. Deep. Breathe pause breathe. Composure. Release my emotion that can't be held back. Pain joy and fear. Release, Relief, Relive. 

In your house, I long to be..

Take hold of me and go,
leave this place behind,
the pain, judgement and conformity.
bring a fresh start, new release.
I want your imperfections,
your flaws and beauty.
Become part of me.
Open your arms,
take me in.
We'll go away for good.
Find the passion and bliss,
learn every line.
Just take hold of me and go.
I'm nervous and scared,
ready and willing to learn.
Don't be like the others.
Be unique, your own person.
I'm ready to become,
just take hold of me and go.

my momma went off and left him, she wanted more from life than he could give.

Leave.
you're free.
but guilt will build.
Regret is felt.
no going back
mistakes are made.
forgive and forget
but its past due for that.
live up to your error
take charge. open your heart.
speak your mind.
who you are is known,
who you will be is perceived.
nothing more is needed
but you. only you.
be there. be around.
time is moving quickly.
tomorrow is not known.

Sometimes I feel like my peers are so much younger than me. I find so many people my age have no goals or aspirations. No dreams they want to fufill. How do they focus their lives around a drug that will take them no where, give them nothing? I just can't comprehend it. Maybe I'm a prude because I don't want to party, smoke and drink all the time. But hey, I am going to make my dreams a reality and do more with my life. Yes, I work all the time and I enjoy resting when I get home. No, I should never feel bad about that but the way people around me live makes me question how I am. I wish it didn't. I don't live they way they do but I do wonder if it makes me a stuck up bitch sometimes because when everyone else is being loud and partying, I am asking for some quiet to sleep. Blah. Anywho, what a crazy time of year. Work is so busy, both jobs. Customers are become more and more irritable and rude. Acting like an ass usually doesn't get you very far but I guess not everyone knows that yet. Besides the customers I still love both my jobs. I knew something would come around eventually. I can't believe it is 11 days until Christmas. Time has flown by. I am excited about a Drum&Dance camp I registered for that takes place in May. I am on a wait list but hopefully people cancel and I get to go. It will be a week of learning to play the djembe wish I am insanely excited about. I am ready to learn the djembe. The class I took in Asheville was such a tease it left me wanting more. Hopefully I can buy myself one soon so I can mess around until I learn for reals. This was such a random post. Haha here is a video I leave you with :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cINms_jWiU

I seem to enjoy covers of songs better than the original.