I've been trying to do it right.

Does anyone ever look back at things that have happened in their life and wonder how you let them happen? Or how you got through them? Or even just why they happened? Why certain people come into your life, there is some purpose right?

I don't know. I mean I hear that everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wonder how could there be a reason? What is it? To make you stronger? To teach you a lesson? To make you realize you can get through anything?

Being on this trip, coming out to California, I have had so much thinking time. I often think about people that have been part of my life. Good and bad. I look back at situations and see how much I allowed certain "friends" to take advantage of my kindness. Ex boyfriends who never appreciated the person I am. After so many years, so many new faces, many different outlooks, I realize that I truly am a good person and any friend or boyfriend would be lucky to have me. Even some of my own family has taken advantage of my kindness but I can't let that change me. I know I have been rather jaded by the people who have screwed me over. But over the past 2 or 3 years I have grown immensely and discovered more of the person I am. I feel I finally look at people for who they are, not who I think they could end up being. I can't let my past affect my present. I care so much about people. I want to make everyone happy all the time. I know this isn't possible but I finally feel like my outer shell has been broken and I'm not as "tough" as I used to be. Which, to me, is good. I let people in easier. I don't feel so afraid of being hurt. It just is what it is. Hopefully people appreciate me and return the kindness to me, if not, oh well.

Having this fresh start, (a chance to make all new friends, possibly find someone to be with) is incredibly exciting to me. It's also a little overwhelming at times. It's not always easy to meet new people. Many people my age are so disconnected, it's hard to be let inside. Luckily I have couchsurfing. I am already meeting new people from there. I have a handful of people I am planning to hang out with in the next week or so. I'm happy about this. The community on the couchsurfing website is amazing. Everyone is open and welcoming. It's a nice change from feeling so stuck in my hometown. Feeling like I had nowhere to go. Now I feel like my opportunities are endless.

We'll see where it all takes me.