My mind has been wandering in all directions lately. I leave for California in 8 days, I have no idea how long I will be there, or what I will even do when I get there. I am lucky enough to have friends to let me stay with them. It's a little overwhelming right now to know I will be leaving my entire family and my closest friends. I think the unknown (how long I will be gone, or if I'll find a new job, or how easy/hard it will be to make new friends) makes me nervous. I know everyone thinks I am just ready to leave, which I am very excited, but I am also nervous. It's hard to do. My road trip seems so long ago now. I've grown even closer to my family in the past year and that makes it just a bit tougher to leave. I have been feeling guilty for leaving my family and friends. Some who have no way out right now. One of my best friends has even kind of stopped talking to me, which makes me so sad. I realize sometimes it's easier for people to deal with that way but it's also harder for me. I can't feel guilty though. This is good for me and what I want/need right now in life.
Staying in New Bern isn't really an option for me though. I can't do it. I always feel stuck when I come back here. My mom even says she thinks I get depressed being back here. I have to remember this is going to be a wonderful experience for me. There are so many more opportunities for me in Cali. I loved California when I was on my road trip. San Clemente, San Francisco, San Diego, Yosemite, Arcata, the Redwoods, they were all such amazing places. Now I can see even more of the places. I don't feel like I truly explored enough when I visited before. Hopefully I will find friends who can take me on adventures. I'll get to be with Kim and the girls daily. Maybe I will find some insanely perfect job that makes me incredibly happy.....right?! Since we're dreaming...maybe I'll find some amazing guy to sweep me off my feet as well....you never know.... ;)
song for the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoRkntoHkIE
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