Off Track

Sometimes I feel like I am giving up on my dreams. Giving up on the things I would really like to do. At times I feel these things are impossible. How can I make them happen? Where will I ever get enough money to fund these dreams? Sometimes I just think I need to find an apartment and get a job and that be the end of it. Or go back to school and just start some (lame) career. I think I am scared of failing at times. Scared that all these dreams I have will never happen and then....what? *sigh*

I talk about going back to Hawaii, living for a while but lately I've been thinking a lot about when I really want to do. I would love to go back to Hawaii and live. Or find a farm to work and live on for an extended period. But something else crossed my mind while I was eating lunch yesterday. I was walking through the restaurant and heard a child talking in Spanish to his mother and I thought "I wish I could understand what he said". I've ached to learn a new language. In school I didn't take it seriously. I did what I had to in order to pass the classes but I didn't take time to let in all sink in to memory. I joined a website recently that is for language learners where you work together and help each other learn. I review peoples English and they help me with my Spanish. It's not just one language though, you can learn any language on the site. But to me, that's so difficult. I want to be immersed in the language. I want it to surround me to the point I have to learn it if I want to know anything going on around me. Live with a family that wants help learning English also. I want to experience a new culture. A new way of life. See how things are in another country. I think is the first thing I would like to do. Then I would have the new language to take with me everywhere else...

I know, I know. "Michelle you have so many different things you want to do. So many things you talk about. Are you ever going to do any of them?" I know that's what some people are thinking, heck, I think it often. I come up with so many different ideas. Maybe one day soon I'll actually be doing one of these things I talk about. I'm done nannying at the end of August. I'll probably work for a bit somewhere else to save some money for a good trip. I mean just think of all these ideas I come up with, can you even imagine what goes on inside my head on a daily basis?! You don't even know the half of it, haha.