My mind doesn't stop turning. Quietness doesn't come. I haven't reached nirvana yet. I try the counting while meditating. Deep breath in "one", deep breath out "two", deep breath in "three", deep breath in "four"......what am I gonna do when I'm not nannying? I wonder where I should go next. This floor is so creaky. My nose itches. Ugh, now I have to start over, deep breath in "one", deep breath out "two".....and so on. One day I will be doing this with ease to one hundred.
I believe the closer it gets to my time to move on to a new adventure, the more nervous I become. I'm not one for plans. I enjoy going with the flow. I don't like to make plans too far in advance because I never know what may come up last minute. Right now though, I just feel the need to know more about what my future holds. Thinking about it now, my chest feels heavy. There are so many ways I can fail. Yet the abundance of opportunities that sit before me is unreal. I am incredibly lucky to have the family that I do. The support and love I am given is not something everyone gets when trying to chase their dreams. I still feel scared.
I'm young. My future is bright. Why do I feel this way? Sometimes I feel like I am letting my family down. Not continuing my education, getting a degree and starting a career. Settling down. My mind never thinks of that as an option though. I want to travel and experience new cultures. Meet new people. Learn daily. I don't want to sit still. I don't want to be tied down. I'm scared to even start a relationship at times because the chances of that changing my path. How do I know if it's meant to be or not? I've got to stop thinking so much. I need to just go with it. Things work out, they always do.
Right?
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