Let love in

It seems inevitable that my past becomes so intertwined with my present. It is forever a part of me but in some ways I wish I could let pieces of it go. I mature and constantly I am changing, although, without fail, some things just come back to haunt me. I have made it clear to myself I can be alone, I can be independent and I realize I don't NEED someone else to live a happy life. Another person around just makes days somewhat better, more exciting. Sharing life, growing together, learning together, changing together. I desperately want to let someone in, give them all of me and in turn have all of them. Lock their love up tight and never allow them to hurt because of me. Yet, something is constantly stopping me, filling my head with doubt, endlessly spilling questions through my mind. Can I trust? Will I be hurt? Will love be unconditional? I can't let my past relationships affect my current. It's is tiresome and something I constantly wish I could stop worrying about. Being hurt scars you, leaves a mark you won't forget so how do I get past it? How do I ensure I won't let it hurt my future relationships?

I've traveled I've traveled
Remain so very dazzled
I've sought and I've found
I'm high off the ground
Come away with my heart
We've felt it from the start
I can't shake the feeling
Mind endlessly reeling
Extremely elated
Look what we've created
A moment to stray
Left us both in dismay
Finally back on the track
Ill take a second and ask
Will you follow my lead
See there's one thing I need
Lose your inhibition
This story's unwritten
Let's start this from scratch
Become a perfect match
Continually growing
Love endlessly flowing
Take a journey with me
It's all that we need
A map without reason
We're open to season
The road that we're chasin
The plans we'll be makin

what's going on

the abundance of people in this world is amazing

but what is so amazing about it is how alone people can still feel

how can we be surrounded by others yet feel like we're on our own

america has become something that isn't always so wonderful

our power and greed has formed society into emotionless zombies

money, power, property is what people strive for

happiness, love, compassion are put on the back burner

how do we get by? do we really get by?

suicides, murders, mental hospitals, nursing homes.

we need to take a step back and remember what means the most

in the end our money and belongings won't get us much

since when are street people not as important as CEOs

how do the homeless not have a voice? they have a story to tell.

most likely they have more to say than any higher up on the corporate ladder

I have met beautiful people, with soul and passion, and loneliness.

Smile.

sometimes when  I sit by the ocean
i feel like I'm the only person in the world
because the way the waves crash
makes me believe that there can be no evil
and the way the sand moves through my toes
makes be believe that we can do no wrong
but then I'm brought back to the moment
when that mom is yelling at her child
to stop getting sand on her tanning skin
but all that little girl wants to do is play
or when the couple beside me begins to argue
about where they're going to dinner
and "why were you staring at her?"
when all either one of them wants to do
is be loved and feel secure
but it's not always that easy
we can't always just run free and play
or feel like we are in are safe haven
every second of the day
because there are bad people out there and
yes we will get hit with pain
sometimes hard enough to knock us down
and never want to get back up
but we have to remember
there are also beautiful people out there
warriors, to pick us up when
we've sunk so low they can barely reach us
because there are too many beautiful sunsets
to be stuck so far down
and if you ever hear that couple fighting
or that mom yelling at her little girl
just turn their way with a huge smile on your face
because your your smile will be infectious
causing that chain reaction so when anyone sees it
they can't help but smile back
and then they'll remember that even if they're hurting
somebody cares and wants to see them happy.

Got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts, I'm alive.

I am wandering free
I drift through this world. I float along this path I create so I can fly and be free.
I breathe. Deep. Take every second of it in. I move slowly and surely, all the while I am free.
I feel the pain of being alone and the joy of being completely free.
I believe in myself. My beautiful, perfect, carefree self.
I long for a companion to share my journey with but then I remember I am free.
I ache for a source of income that will aid me but then I remember I am free.
The sites overwhelm me and catch my breath.
Finding myself is my goal, losing my self will happen.
Strong, independent and worthy is me.

Eddie Vedder: Guaranteed. The song that moves me so deeply right now. Listen. Love.

Why does it happen?

Yes I am home and I am alone
And I lay here weeping
Weeping for those without a home
For those without a love
For those with nothing to hold on to
I weep because some give up
if we were just one second sooner
But some give up even in that second
I weep for those with tragedies
Tragedies that are burned into their minds
Burned so deep they can't sleep at night
That overwhelming pain that cant be removed
Waking up sweating unable to breathe
That same damn nightmare that occurs again and again
Yet they can't tell you about it
They can't voice that sorrow
That sorrow that is felt to the depths of their soul
It's unspeakable, unrepeatable, unimaginable
Have you ever felt something the deep
It cuts it's way smoothly through your chest
Deep deep inside so you can't escape it
How can these events occur to those so young
To those who haven't lived their lives yet
But they have felt more than some will feel forever
How does a boy so young find it in himself
Find it in himself to take his last breath
Why do we choose to allow this to continue

Just don't know you.

I want to mold you, hold you, fold into you
I want to grow old with you
I want to experience and roam the streets with you
I want to change and rearrange with you
I want to be better with you
I want to play you and explore you
I want to live life with you
I want to learn from you
I want to teach you and reach you
I want to roam the depths of your mind
I want to touch the inside of your soul
I want to tell you how I feel when I feel
Even when I can’t tell you how I feel
I want to be your sunrise
I want to make your life brighter every day
I want to become part of you
I want to be myself with you
I want to be honest and true with you
I want to love with you
I want to do all of this with you
But I just don’t know you.
So what I want is this,
I want to meet you. 
I want to greet you and complete you.